Homosexuality, Depression, and Christianity

I've wanted to write my thoughts about homosexuality, depression and Christianity for some time. I was trying to think the other day where my belief that homosexuality isn't wrong came from. I wasn't raised to believe that, and I haven't had any sudden revelation about it. I haven't found sufficient evidence for me to discount my belief that there isn't anything wrong with a loving homosexual relationship. I read two open letters, one a while ago and one recently, and I agree with most of the points they're making, and I suppose these things may have influenced my beliefs. I have links to them if you're interested in reading them.

http://www.soulforce.org/article/453
http://www.mlp.org/fmd/files/DesmondTutuLetter.pdf

The most common argument I hear against homosexuality is that the Bible forbids it. It is true that there are Bible verses forbidding homosexual acts. However, having read almost the entire Bible, I still don't feel like homosexuality is wrong. I believe that the Bible is the word of God, and I try to live my life by the principles I find in it, the most important one being to love God and other people. The old testament forbids many things that Christians today do not follow, so the old law most Christians don't enforce anyway. There is a new testament verse or two condemning homosexual acts, but the new testament also says women should say silent in church; however, I know most Christians also support women pastors, although there is still debate going on about that. The new and old testament were also used to support slavery, which was clearly wrong, and no one would say that slavery is a good thing today. I don't think the Bible was written so we could use it to condemn groups of people. I feel that the issue with homosexuality is very similar to these issues. It doesn't mean we should ignore the Bible or that what it says doesn't matter, I just think it's important to read it with love and justice in mind.

The Bible was also and still is used to condemn scientific principles that are discovered about our world and universe that we live in. As someone who loves both theology and science, I don't think that has to be the case at all. The Bible is not a science textbook. People used to think it was heresy to say the earth revolved around the sun, because there are Bible verses saying the earth doesn't move. However, I think most people now accept that the earth moves around the sun and believe in God without experiencing conflicting feelings.

I do know many Christians who say they love homosexual people they just disagree with the choices they're making. I also hear people say homosexuality isn't natural. There are increasing amounts of scientific evidence that being homosexual or bisexual isn't a choice. That makes sense to me, because I don't recall ever making a choice to be attracted to men. I just am naturally attracted to them. I have talked to homosexual Christians who have struggled so much with trying to not be attracted to the "wrong" sex, but they eventually come to the realization that the gender they are attracted to isn't a choice. So I have a hard time believing that something that isn't a choice would be a sin.

This leads me into just a short tie in with depression. I feel empathy for homosexual Christians, because I feel like as a Christian with a mental illness I have been wrongfully condemned for my "sin" and bad choices I make to be depressed or anxious. There are also Bible verses used against my illness where people say the Bible says to not be depressed or anxious, and tell me my feelings are sinful and my fault. I grew up thinking that, and it's been very difficult for me to pull away from that belief, as people still tell me things like this frequently. After having depression and anxiety for 7 years though, meeting many other people with depression, and seeing scientific research that has been done, I've concluded that me and many others have a disease which was not our fault or choice and therefore isn't a sin. I'm not at all trying to say homosexuality is like an illness, just that I feel sad for those who are told being homosexual, or having depression is sinful, because I feel like the Bible and Christianity are being used to hurt rather than help people.

One last thing I was going to say was just to request that if you disagree with anything I've said, that you would discuss it in a calm manner.

Peace.

New Post

I haven't posted here in a while. I don't even know whether people actually read this or get anything out of it, but I thought I'd post again, because I enjoy it. I went a while without posting on here because I made some new friends that I wanted to tell that I had depression before they read about it in my blog. It was hard to do. I have a hard time telling people I have depression. Once they know, and I know they're cool about it, I don't have a problem talking about it, but telling them the first time is difficult.

When I came back to school this year, I felt like I was starting over. I ended a  friendship with one of my friends that was having a tremendous negative affect on me. He was just not good for me, and it was really hard to let go, because he was good to me, but I just had to do what was best for my health. Then I made several new friends, and I love meeting new people. So school started out pretty well.

It actually became bad because of my therapist. I saw her briefly at the end of my freshman year, all during my sophomore year, and I saw her once this year, for the last time. I really liked her. However, I had just a few issues with how therapy was going. I didn't want to spend so much time talking about my week and wanted more input from her because I felt like me talking the whole time wasn't getting me anywhere, and I didn't like when I was forced to talk about my dog dying, which I acknowledged was mostly my parents fault for calling her without my permission to tell her my dog had died. I was really scared to tell her though, because I don't like controversy and when people are doing something I don't like, I just usually try to ignore it. When I saw her the first time this year, I politely told her about my new friends and how school was going. Then I said I had a few issues, and told her the issues I just mentioned, and she freaked out. She got really mad at me, though she said she was just "really frustrated" with me for coming in to see her "with guns blazing". I was very upset, because I had done no such thing and I did not mean to upset her. She isn't my friend, which she's said herself many times, she's supposed to be my doctor. Then she went on to say that my concerns weren't related to her but were my fault because I only saw her twice a week, and I wasn't making any effort to help myself. I was utterly floored by these accusations and had nothing to say to them, and then our appointment time was over, and I walked out stuttering and crying. She knows I can't afford to go to therapy every week because I have to pay for seeing her myself and there's only so much I can work while also doing school and having to pay for my psychiatrist visits and medication. And I have done just about every single thing she asked or even suggested in a prompt manner and then discussed it with her. For her to say that I wasn't making any effort, just ripped me apart. I was so scared to talk to her about my issues with her, and then she reacted worse than I could have possibly ever imagined. I certainly won't be seeing her again, because she lost all my trust and respect for her. I don't really know that I want to see anyone else, because how can I trust anyone again? And what if she's right? What if everything is my fault because I wasn't trying enough? My therapist in high school said I didn't try very much, and I actually wasn't doing much then, because I was so catatonic I didn't really do much of anything. Also she wasn't a great therapist. But I didn't for one second think I wasn't trying enough or doing enough with my most recent therapist. I thought I was doing the absolute best I could. But if my best looks like nothing to her, maybe it is nothing. Even now, weeks later, this still brings tears to my eyes. It may not seem like that big a deal, because most of my friends haven't acted like it's a big deal, but I've only ever felt more betrayed once in my life, and that was a really bad situation, which my close friends may or may not know what I'm referencing to. I was doing pretty well before I saw my therapist this year, but I've been a wreck since then. I can't hold myself together. I keep losing it and falling apart. My depression is tormenting me. And all the friends I usually talk to about my depression are either too depressed themselves to talk to me, or just too busy for me. So suffice it to say, I'm not doing great right now. That's about all I have to say. I usually try to end things on a hopeful note, but it's just not there for me right now.