Today my doctor and I decided to switch from me taking Celexa to Welbutrin. I'll taper off my Celexa for a couple days, then switch to the Welbutrin. Changing meds is usually hard for me, so I'm not looking forward to it, but I am hopeful that I may finally find a drug that makes me feel better. The other day I wrote a cry to God...
How long, how long must we be desperately alone, how long, how long will we have to pay for what we've done? God I'm grieved to the point of death. I'd rather be dead than alive. Living hurts so much. Every day is so hard. I can't do this. Please help me. Please help me. Please help me. Please help me. I can't do it. I don't want to live. It hurts so much. Why? Why? Why? WHY?! Don't you hear my prayers? All I want to do is live for you. I want to want to live. Why can't I have it? Why do you hide your face from me? As a deer thirsts for water, so my heart longs for you. Lord have mercy. HELP ME!! I can't stand it! Where is justice? Where is justice in letting me live? Forgive me God, and help me to forgive others. Deliver me from evil, from this sickness that dwells in my heart. Lord hear my prayer.
This afternoon I am feeling much better after good chats with wholesome friends, and worship/prayer in my dorm. However, there are hard days ahead.
Since I am writing this somewhat with the intent that other people may relate and feel less alone, I just want to say: You're not alone. Love is real. Hope always for a better tomorrow.
Carly- what a brave thing you are doing writing this blog. You are certainly talented in expressing yourself and your willingness to share your pain in such a way will bless not only those who are feeling the same way but also you as you release those thoughts. You are stronger than you know Carly. I pray this new medicine will balance things out for you and I will continue to follow your ups and downs. Thank you
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Thank you :) I really appreciate you saying that :)
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing Carly? The new meds working okay?
ReplyDeleteHey, I just saw your comment. Yea, as I said in my most recent post, the new meds have been doing pretty well, besides causing me some stomach problems. I've also had a bunch of fun things going on, so I've been feeling pretty good. Thanks for asking.
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