Well the good news is that I haven't felt suicidal since Christmas break, despite a lot of bad things happening. It's pretty encouraging and makes me feel slightly hopeful. I think that this new medication is really helpful.
The not so good news is that I've still been pretty depressed. I was really depressed at the start of school, but I had finally gotten back into the swing of school, and had a pretty decent week or so, then found out last Monday that my dog died. He was 11 years old and my best friend. He was my only friend throughout much of high school, when I was dealing with depression and panic attacks he was always snuggled next to me in bed. I cried all last week. I've still been sad this week, but feeling less sad about that particular situation, and more just generally depressed. I had a conversation today with one of my best friends about ending our friendship, for reasons I won't detail here. My friend convinced me out of doing this for the moment, but is going to leave me alone for a while. While I think that this is for the best, it still leaves me rather sad on top of the general dreariness I've been feeling the past two weeks. I have massive amounts of homework to do tomorrow that I don't want to do. Actually I really want to get it done, but I'm so depressed that I can barely type these sentences and just stared at the work I had to do tonight. Tonight I was even too depressed to enjoy reading Harry Potter, which if you know me at all, know that that is a big deal. I've barely been able to pull myself out of bed for classes the past two weeks. I need a reason to get up tomorrow. If anyone feels like giving me a reason, that would be cool. Any words of encouragement would be nice. Or pictures/videos of funny things. If you get a chance, shoot something my way and I'd appreciate it.
These past two weeks have been pretty bad, but at least I'm not completely losing my rationality to suicidal thoughts. That's a nice change, though things are still pretty difficult, I'm still taking life one step at a time.
Carly,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say how sorry I am that you lost your dog. Those losses are real and significant. I lost my mutt Annie two years ago and I thought I'd never get over it. But I've come to realize that our dog's shorter life spans means that we will have several dogs in our lives, and that's part of God's plan.
Now I have Georgia, who is the evil twin sister of Marley and is totally working my last nerve. One day Georgia ate 1/2 a porkloin, a pound of licorice, two large bagels and the wrapper, and a scented candle. I guess the scented candle was to get the bad taste of the bagel wrapper out of her mouth.
So here are a few reasons to get out of bed tomorrow:
1. There is another dog planned for you sometime in your life.
2. There is a new friend just waiting to meet you.
3. There is a Godly young man planned who someday will be your husband.
4. There are curly headed children who one day will be your babies.
5. HP 8 comes out soon.
Praying for sunshine for you.
Rev. Betsy
Hey, girl. Would you please do me a favor and pray for my daughter Allison tonight? She's going through some really tough times, and is also dealing with depression. I just felt God telling me to ask you for this. Maybe your prayers for others are even more effective than for yourself. Let me hear from you.
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